


Holding on Together

by BooksXandXrainbows



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Slice of Life, Supportive Magnus Bane, author uses writing to cope, self-care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 16:30:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19177102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooksXandXrainbows/pseuds/BooksXandXrainbows
Summary: As Magnus flicks on the light, Alec all but blinks. Magnus drops the chicken breast he picked from the fridge onto the counter, his heart starting to ache.





	Holding on Together

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this with the sole purpose of coping after a bad day. I didn't think I'd share it but I'm quite satisfied with the result. I hope you like it :)

It's dark when Magnus finally steps out of the office building and onto the bustling pavement. Darkness has fallen, probably hours ago. But Magnus wouldn't know, too caught up had he been in the last preparations for the big runway show on the following Sunday.

 

With tired eyes, shoulders tightly wound, his posture slumped; and feet dragging from exhaustion that comes with getting four hours of sleep every night of the week and living off of caffeine, he makes his way down to the subway station.

 

He can't wait to get back to Alec and their small but cosy apartment that they just recently moved into. Having someone to come home to, knowing that while they were both busy during the day they'll always have the evenings and nights to spend together -- be it working in silence next to one another, or wrapped up together under heaps of blankets -- is something Magnus still hasn't fully wrapped his head around.

 

Neither has he come to fully wrap his head around how deep his love for Alec runs, and it is so very obvious in Alec's gestures, actions, and words that he feels the same way for Magnus.

 

It is a lot to comprehend.

 

While, ten years ago, he'd dreaded every night at home, doing everything in his power to prolong the trip back home, he now can't wait to get there.

 

Home.

 

It's just a simple word. So innocent. So nondescript. But there lies a lot more underneath, doesn't it?

 

It took Magnus most of his mid-twenties to realise that there is more to its meaning than a place to live. Home is a feeling. It's knowing that no matter what, there is someone to have your back. To listen. Home is where he feels understood and loved. It's where he can go when things aren't going as well. It's where he can find the comfort he needs.

 

Magnus gets off the train after four stations, his spot on the two seater in front of the fireplace almost in his grasp. Suddenly, his feet don't drag as much. He can't get inside the apartment building fast enough. Of course, the lift takes its time as always, leaving Magnus waiting precious minutes that he could spent with Alec instead.

 

When he finally, _finally_ unlocks the apartment door he is overcome by a kind of giddiness that probably should have been used up during their honeymoon phase, when they first got together three years ago.

 

Of course their relationship has changed and evolved from what it was then. But there are moments Magnus is still overcome by the same giddy feeling he'd felt when Alec and he had kissed for the first time, or when Alec had leaned into him, all flustered, the first time they were out dancing together.

 

The apartment is silent as he enters, the hallway dark. Alec was supposed to be home hours ago. Magnus drops his briefcase and coat by the door, toeing off his shoes before he makes his way into the kitchen which is connected to the open plan living room.

 

Which is where he finds Alec on the couch, lying flat on his back, eyes fixed to the ceiling. As Magnus flicks on the light, Alec all but blinks. Magnus drops the chicken breast he picked from the fridge onto the counter, his heart starting to ache.

 

He pads over to Alec, crouching down beside him. "Hey," he whispers softly, planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. Alec meets his eyes then, dark circles surrounding his. He looks tired, Magnus notices. But not the kind of tired that can be dealt with by getting a good nights sleep.

 

Alec's lips twitch up shortly, his eyes remaining blank. "Hey." His voice comes out hoarsely. Clearing his throat he says, "I'm sorry, I'm --" he pushes himself up, but Magnus stops him with a hand on his shoulder.

 

"Don't worry. Have you eaten?" Magnus asks, despite knowing the answer already. On days like this, Alec rarely ever eats.

 

As expected, Alec shakes his head. "I'm not hungry. You don't have to--"

 

"You need to eat something, though. Besides, I haven't had anything since lunch. How does chicken with veggies and rice sound?"

 

"Okay."

 

While Magnus gets to work in the kitchen, Alec cuddles up in one of the throw blankets that can always be found somewhere around the couch, returning to his previous position.

 

The meal takes about twenty minutes to prepare. Once done, Magnus brings the two plates filled with steaming rice, broccoli and various other vegetables, and chicken over to the couch.

 

"Scoot over." Magnus gently nudges Alec with his socked foot. Luckily, their two-seater is big enough for them to lie next to each other horizontally without too much of a problem. Alec props himself up against the armrest, making enough space for Magnus to slip under the blanket as well.

 

"Thank you." This time, his smile -- though weak -- does reach his eyes.

 

They eat in silence, the occasional scrape of cutlery against the ceramic plates being the only sound filling the room. Magnus doesn't mind. He knows it's what Alec needs at the moment.

 

When Magnus has finished off his plate, Alec is still busy pushing slices of chicken around his plate, having only eaten a third of his meal.

 

"You don't have to finish." Magnus reminds him reassuringly, aware of Alec easily feeling like he owes him for being attentive. It's a natural reaction learned through a childhood and youth of mental and emotional abuse, Magnus figures.

 

"I'll have some of the left-overs for lunch tomorrow." Alec promises apologetically.

 

"It's alright." Magnus takes the plate from Alec, placing it with his on the coffee table.

 

The silence continues, Magnus having his arm wrapped around Alec, his head resting against Magnus' chest. He has his eyes closed, his thick lashes fanning over his pale skin and cheekbones. Magnus observes him, a sad smile crossing over his face.

 

He hates for Alec to have to go through this. Magnus knows exactly what it feels like, and what toxic thoughts pass through your mind when depression hits. He has been there himself more times than he can count, the last few times with Alec at his side.

 

"I'm sorry," Alec breaks through the silence, his voice cracking, eyes flying open. "I'm sorry. I had all of these plans for you today. I know how stressful everything has been for you lately but I just couldn't--" He shrugs, face grim.

 

Magnus knows that there is an underlying "I'm sorry you have to put up with me" in his words. But he is having none of that. Yes, his job might have kept him on his toes for the last weeks. So much so that exhaustion has become his default. But when it comes to Alec, all of that doesn't matter.

 

Well, no. Magnus still does remember to take care of himself -- and when he can't do so himself, Alec makes sure he is taken care of. It's just that there is a balance he had to find between working, taking care of himself, and Alec whenever the need arises. But then he sometimes struggles with not letting work consume his every being -- he is a workaholic after all.

 

"Alexander, it's fine." Magnus plants another kiss on his temple, his fingers working softly through Alec's thick hair. "Do you want to talk about it?" Though Alec usually starts talking about whatever is ailing him on his own terms, it's still worth a try.

 

"I -" Alec sighs, pushing a stray strand of hair out of his eyes, "it's nothing, really. Just, " he shrugs weakly, shoulders slumped, "the usual." Magnus understands. Depression doesn't always make sense. It doesn't need a reason to creep up on its victim.

 

"Okay."

 

Alec falls asleep eventually, lips slightly parted, chest rising and falling evenly as quiet snores fill the otherwise silent apartment. Magnus smiles down at him, gently stroking back a dark strand of hair that has fallen over Alec's eyes. He looks peaceful.

 

Tomorrow, they'll talk. Tomorrow, they'll talk about whether today was just one of those days, or whether they should look into finding a therapist. Tomorrow, they'll figure everything out. But for now, Magnus lets Alec sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :) kudos and comments are much appreciated.


End file.
